a poem about grieving my first love who died a month ago whilst attempting to give my love to another person.
i open up to him
sounding so desperate—
begging to be saved
from the shadows that pull me down under
-
i’m scared.
he’s scared.
and now he looks at me like a cracked vase,
a lost cause, far from saving.
he wants to run,
and you want to stay?
-
i need quiet—
a break from my own wretched mind.
teach me how to silence the noise without silencing everything.
how to stay here,
and be happy—
to have everything i’ve ever wanted,
without you here.
-
tell me, do you hate me?
because he makes me laugh
and you make me cry?
were you smiling when your life came to an end?
did you find peace—or just a ten ton semi?
-
what do i owe you?
my life?
my love?
my sanity?
a debt ill never pay off.
-
i am drowning—
lungs are burning,
gasping for air,
grasping for chances
those i never seem to ever get.
-
do i let go,
let this tide take me back home?
or do i sink
to find you?
-
you haunt me—
but i love him.
and you’re cruel.
-
let me have this one thing, please.
i am pleading now,
my hands folded,
my heart frayed,
like i can bargain
with the ghost of you.
